When Do You Become A Mother Whisperer?

By Marlene Durrell • September 29th, 2010

Val and I were wondering when it is that you become a mother whisperer.

My first thought was “When you want to! ”

But then, as I thought about it,  it occurred to me that I became a mother whisperer when my mother began to share her sadness and disappointment with her upbringing.  She was trusting me with her personal secrets.  Things she had never told anyone.  It is part of the ideal daughter mother relationship to have such conversations but for some of us that part of the relationship starts very early.  I was 10 years old.

How old were you when those conversations started between you and your mother?

Do you think that is when you became a Mother Whisperer?

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Comments

I want to share how my experience has been different from Marlene’s. My mother did not confide in me. I think she felt she needed to be in control always and not appear vulnerable.
Looking back … and looking to my own tendencies (UGH)… the more anxious or stressed she was, the more independent and less needy she wanted to appear. This meant her need to be in control went into overdrive, along with the judgments, criticisms and demands. Oh boy – watch out world and daughters!

I do recall how things changed in my early 40’s when my Dad became ill and she wanted to talk. It felt good to be a support, and I know she appreciated a compassionate ear! So I guess, my experience of these conversations started when I was in my early 40’s and I was ready for them.

It must be such a burden to have those sharings when we are not ready, and take on the burden of making our mother feel better.

Has anyone else got a story to share?

 

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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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