The ways we try to control our lives – and our relationships

By Val Boyko • December 5th, 2010

Upset girl not wanting to face a situationI mentioned in the last post comment about the ways that we all have developed to try to control our lives and prevent discomfort, anxiety, or feeling vulnerable to other people’s criticism, rejection, anger etc. Think of them as childhood hangovers  that become habits as adults.

Susan Campbell calls them Control Patterns and describes them as “behaviors that help you feel “right, safe, or comfortable, because you have not yet learned to show up real, unique, and open.”

Most of us aren’t aware of them until we step back observe them, and then gain some understanding about what they are about.

We have control patterns so we feel in control of a situation. She has identified over a hundred of them and grouped them into general patterns. When Susan first sent them to me I was amazed – not only that they were so many that people have … but page 3 was all about ME!!

It made me feel lighter to know what they were. It also made me relieved that I was not alone – or abnormal!

So for the brave of heart, please check out Susan’s list of control patterns and the exercise that goes with them.

Click here!

…. and let us know what your experience is with them!


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