The ways we try to control our lives – and our relationships

By Val Boyko • December 5th, 2010

Upset girl not wanting to face a situationI mentioned in the last post comment about the ways that we all have developed to try to control our lives and prevent discomfort, anxiety, or feeling vulnerable to other people’s criticism, rejection, anger etc. Think of them as childhood hangovers  that become habits as adults.

Susan Campbell calls them Control Patterns and describes them as “behaviors that help you feel “right, safe, or comfortable, because you have not yet learned to show up real, unique, and open.”

Most of us aren’t aware of them until we step back observe them, and then gain some understanding about what they are about.

We have control patterns so we feel in control of a situation. She has identified over a hundred of them and grouped them into general patterns. When Susan first sent them to me I was amazed – not only that they were so many that people have … but page 3 was all about ME!!

It made me feel lighter to know what they were. It also made me relieved that I was not alone – or abnormal!

So for the brave of heart, please check out Susan’s list of control patterns and the exercise that goes with them.

Click here!

…. and let us know what your experience is with them!

Share
 

Leave a Comment

« | Home | »

  • Join The Mother Whisperers Community


    Become a Member
    * indicates required
  • group of women
  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
  • Categories

  • Blogroll

  • Archives

Please make an appointment to talk about what's going in your relationship and to see if coaching or our services would help!