What is the the Greatest “Relationship Changing” Skill You Can Learn and Apply?

By Val Boyko • January 17th, 2012

This is a popular re-post and useful perspective for dealing with difficult situations and people. Val xoxo

questioning womanQ. What is the greatest “relationship changing” skill you can learn and apply?

A. Understanding “The Three Realities”

This is one of the first skills I learned when I was training to become a coach. Over the years I have shared it with hundreds of clients to help them get ahead in their careers, build better relationships at work with colleagues and their boss, and reconcile differences in personal and family relationships. It’s a tool that can help us break through when we are struggling with something or someone!

It’s also been one of the hardest things for me to apply in my own relationships – especially with my own mother! Where emotions run high and feelings run deep, it’s a challenge to let go of the first reality – my own!

When it comes to relationships, how we feel is the most important thing to us. Putting it in simple terms: When we feel valued and appreciated, the relationship feels good and we think it’s working. When we feel hurt, criticized or victimized then the relationship feels bad and we think it isn’t working.

However, how we think and feel is only one aspect of what is really going on in any situation or relationship! To read more about the Three Realities in our Resources page – Click here

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Comments

Awesome article.Thanks Again. Will read on…

 

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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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