Self Compassion For Daughters – Connect With Our Inner Mother

By Val Boyko • September 22nd, 2011

Thinking about our last post about self compassion, I had a new insight that I’d like to share. Dr Kristin Neff wrote: “When our inner voice continually criticizes and berates us we end up feeling worthless, incompetent and insecure, and we often end up in negative cycles of self sabotage and self harm.”

Wait a minute – this sounds to me like the voice of a critical mother!So true for daughters of narcissist mothers who have never felt good enough.

Dr Kristin suggests that we access the inner voice of a supportive friend to comfort us: “When our inner voice plays the role of a supportive friend we can – when we notice some personal failing – feel safe and accepted enough to both see ourselves clearly and make the changes needed for us to be healthier and happier.”

How much more power we could  claim for ourselves if we accessed not just the inner voice of a friend, but the voice of the mother within us. The supportive, nurturing,championing, loving part of us that may not have been available to us as children but we can now access within us as adults.

loving-mother by Keith MalletOur inner mother is the mother we know in our hopes and dreams. For some of us she may be the mother that we have lost.

Whether our mother is with us or not, our inner mother lies within each and every one of us.

Next time you are being self critical, bring the voice of the mother you never had or the one you lost, the loving mother who is within you and knows what is best for you.



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