Oh Oh – I’m not Speaking my Truth! – Understanding more about honest conversations

By Val Boyko • December 3rd, 2010

Today I was asked – What should I do I when I realize that I am not speaking my whole truth with my mother or having an honest conversation with someone close?

First of all, congratulations on the self awareness. Second, congratulations on wanting to break through this! Third, here’s an exercise you might want to try:

Dr Susan Campbell has an exercise called the “Authenticity Inventory”. Its a tool to use whenever you catch yourself saying “Oh I could never have that conversation … she wouldn’t understand…. she would jump to conclusions… she couldn’t handle the truth… she would be so hurt … bringing it up just isn’t worth it….”

When you hear yourself telling yourself any of these messages, you are predicting the future and not being present to your own feelings or being authentic.
Powerful stuff! But something so many of us take as the norm when we consider what we address or speak up to with our mothers.

(And yes with our partners too … I wonder where we learned that!?!)

Take a few moments as you ask yourself “When was the last time I didn’t tell my whole truth but held back? What did I tell myself to make it okay to NOT to speak my truth?”

I bet you were fortune telling. Fortune telling is interesting because the longer we tell ourselves how someone will react without trying it out, the more it gets ingrained as being more important than the truth. It then becomes our new truth. And is not based on reality.

When we become aware that what has gone on for many years has been without question, it’s time to question! (Okay, so at least to look at it.) It’s time to get real. (Okay, so it’s time to duly consider about getting real).

I am a big fan of Susan Campbell’s work. If you feel ready to look for your truth, get real about your feelings, and being okay in expressing them, then her book “Getting Real” is a must read. It’s now on sale at Amazon – what a deal!!

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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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