Mid-life Crises and Mother Relationships (Part 2)

By Val Boyko • March 8th, 2011

woman with a question markJust when you thought you had it all figured out with your Mother, along comes an identity crisis at mid life that brings upset and conflict! An identity crisis can affect all of the people who have known us (and loved us) in our familiar “old” ways – especially our mothers.

It can be even harder on a Mom who always wanted you to be like her, or who is living her dreams through you. When we start to question what we believe and what we want in life, she may take it personally and see it as a slap in her face. When we make different choices in life, it can bring about misunderstanding, confusion, upset and conflict. So the struggle between expressing your new sense of self  and your mother’s reaction often becomes a real issue. Yes – all over again!

John Welwood writes about the 3 choices that we have when we come to a point of questioning our identity:

Choice 1 – We can decide not to rock the boat and not risk moving into the unknown, even if our old identity isn’t working for us. When we make that decision we bind ourselves more closely to old beliefs and that makes it harder to be open  later on. We cling even more firmly to what we know and hide from larger possibilities.

Choice 2 – We can attack or punish ourselves for the personality we have or strive even harder to live up to the ideal of who we think we should be. Again, we are trying to avoid the unknown, and whatever action we take it will not be based on our genuine path.

Choice 3 – We can open ourselves to our experience, and face and work with ourselves the way we are. To become open  to the unknown  requires the capacity to become present with whatever we are feeling and experiencing. We learn to become present in the midst of pain, rather than reverting to old coping strategies and control patterns. By being present we tap into the power of our own being and find who we are.

This is the Mother Whisperers way and we are here to help you if you are ready! Opening your heart to the situation you are in and letting it touch you is one of the most important steps on this journey.

The Mother Whispering journey can help us become open to love. Loving ourselves and others more fully. Yes – including our mothers!

p.s. And it starts with us, not our mothers.

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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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