Let’s Talk About Buttons

Red ButtonWe all have them. Perhaps we haven’t all called them buttons.

A button is a automatic reaction to a situation that comes from the unconscious mind where we have stored  experiences that upset us.

Buttons are primarily linked to frustrating, aggravating, fear inducing situations from a time in the past when we were young and felt most vulnerable.

Essentially when we find ourselves over reacting we should look for the button.

Freeing ourselves from our button reactions, and finding peace, can only happen by looking at the button within us rather than directing our emotion against the person who has triggered it.

When we look at our buttons we get to experience our feelings more and  understand the needs we have behind them.

Button bottom line: A button protects us from feelings of hurt and fear that happen when our needs are not being met.

For example: Our mother comes to stay and criticizes the way we do the laundry….. dress the children ….. eat dinner … decorate the bedroom…. make the bed …… treat our husband ….. I’m sure you get the picture if you are reading this 🙂

We feel annoyed and aggravated. There may be other feelings going on such as guilt about feeling resentment towards her.

What is the need that isn’t being met here? To be given space to be ourselves. (A fundamental childhood need). A need for respect and recognition that the way we do things is okay.

Here are the step by step elements at play:

We have a need -> it isn’t met -> we feel hurt -> the hurt is stored as a button -> it gets triggered later -> we have a strong reaction  -> we go into an automatic control pattern behavior -> we feel better.

But wait a minute ……We may feel better, but the button is still there. It will keep being triggered until we understand more about our buttons. When we stop to acknowledge and understand them they start to lose their power.

Please make an appointment to talk about what's going in your relationship and to see if coaching or our services would help!