6 Steps To Have The Relationship You Want With Your Mother

By Val Boyko • May 27th, 2011

mother and daughter relatingQuestion: How do I want my relationship with my mother to be?

Answer: Start to craft the daughter mother relationship that works for me now. Face the issues and work on them before it’s too late!


This is Denise McGregor’s strategy in her book Mama Drama.

She suggests we begin with the end and asks: What do you want from your mother before she dies? When I read that, it made me sit up and notice! You too?……

Its a fact that our relationships with our mothers will end one day. By beginning with the end in mind, it focuses our brain and motivates us to settle conflict earlier rather than later.

Take a few quiet moments and reflect on this: “If my Mother was to die tomorrow, what would I want from her? … what would I say to her? … share with her?”

By working backwards from these questions we can start to feel empowered to create the relationship that we want now.

6 Steps You Can Take

You’ll find in our previous posts as well as resources and articles sections, strategies that will help you move forward. To find out if you are ready, check out the tips below:

1. Know your self

2. Know your mother

3. End the blame game

4. Handle your buttons

5. Stop the drama

6. Speak your truth

These are all strategies that we can use. However, nothing will change without kindness, compassion and love.open your heart

To let go of the past and commit to a new future we must open our hearts.

In our hearts we find courage, forgiveness and healing. This is where new beginnings and  loving relationships grow.


Val’s comment: If this resonates with you, try  journalling to open up new thoughts, feelings and inspiration. Take some time and reflect on your mother relationship and how you want it to be right now.

In what areas can you commit to taking a step in a different direction? Sometimes when we want to bring about real change it helps to have a trained guide  who understands. If you want to talk and clear about your relationship, then please contact me.


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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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