Ending the Blame Game with your Mother

By Val Boyko • February 3rd, 2011

cartoon of an angry woman pointing her fingerWe play the Blame Game when we focus on blaming someone or something for the situation or problem we have. However, we can’t solve the problem by stepping into blame. It takes us away from a solution. If you want the blame game to end, then read on.

When we blame someone else, it takes the focus off what the issue is. By looking for WHO did it, we avoid addressing the problem or exploring more about our own feelings about it.

Even although it makes us feel more powerful by feeling “right” it’s actually a flag that we are being  a victim and not taking responsibility in that situation.

Focus on yourself rather than the villainous other.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • What responsibility do I have in this situation? What part of this do I own?
  • How am I contributing to this?
  • What can I do to move towards resolving the problem?
  • What am I putting up with that’s making me feel like this?

When you start to do this, the you are moving towards accepting responsibility for your life.

Tips for ending the blame game:

  • Commit to listening to understand her perspective.
  • If you made a mistake, admit it.
  • If there is something that your mother does that upsets or hurts you, then have an honest conversation about it. ( Click here for help on Speaking Your Truth)
  • Don’t tolerate rudeness, shouting or behavior that is out of line. Call her on it and stop the conversation.
  • When you find yourself blaming,  stop and say to yourself “Its time for me to take responsibility for my life.”
  • Take responsibility for your own feelings and learn to handle them. Feelings of hurt are uncomfortable, but as a grown up you know that the world won’t fall in and you won’t be abandoned. cartoon of an angry woman pointing her finger

Remember these are tips for mothers too.

Please go ahead and share this post with whoever you know who plays this game.


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