Do Mothers and Daughters Really Know Each Other?

By Val Boyko • April 7th, 2011

mother and daughter talkingGetting to know and understand our mother as a human being is part of the Mother Whisperers journey. For mothers who want to understand their daughters as a person, then this post is for you as well!

Both daughters and mothers may have been hurt in the past, but once you have the inner strength to see her as she truly is, not who she wasn’t or who you wish she could be, then it’s time to get to know each other as people, outside of the mother daughter role.

We have talked about seeing your mother through different eyes and shared Don Miguel Ruis’s perspective (no pun intended!), but do you really know each other?

While we will always be a daughter or a mother,  we can choose to adjust the relationship to be more consistently an adult-adult one. By making that choice, we can redefine the relationship based on a new understanding and letting go of the past.

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • What are the best moments of her week?
  • What brings her happiness and joy?
  • What does she  do at an excellent level?
  • What’s really important to her? (Is it career, family, relationships, a cause, etc…)
  • What beliefs, values and needs are important to her? (Tip – Notice what makes her angry, because it is usually a belief or value that has been transgressed or a need that is not being met)
  • What is she afraid of?
  • What does she want that she doesn’t have?
  • What does she want FOR you?
  • What else comes to mind about who your mother or daughter is as a person today?


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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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