Daughters, How to Keep Your True Power – A Final Word About Boundaries

By Val Boyko • September 13th, 2011

confident happy womanOver the summer I’ve been sharing insights into how we can express our true power as daughters.

Today I’ll share a final word of advice.

Before I do, here’s a summary of the strategies that we’ve covered so far:

1. Be aware of your interactions and how much your mother is still influencing you.

2. Get to know yourself.

3. Start taking responsibility for your life.

During interactions:

4. Come into the present and let go of the past.

5. Breathe to become present.

6. Communicate to give yourself space.

Once we have accessed the power within us, its important to protect it from intruders!

The final step in expressing your true power is a crucial one for being able to keep expressing it.

7. Extend Your Boundaries.

Our boundaries are our stop signs to others.Stop-Sign

When our boundaries are weak we allow others to confine us. We tend to attract disrespectful and needy people. We may also find it difficult to trust others. What a drain of energy and our power!

When our boundaries are extended we have the space to grow, express ourselves fully and claim our power.

Learning how many boundaries to set and how big to make them is a personal experiment. A good strategy is to set much bigger boundaries than you think you need.

Here is a 4 step action plan for everyone who wants to assert their boundaries.

a. Inform her about what she is doing and how you feel. (Sometimes this will be enough for her to stop. If not go to step 2)

b. Make a request for her to stop.

c. If she continues, demand she stops.

d. If she sill continues, then walk away without any sarcastic, nasty or get-even comments.

This isn’t a magic bullet. It takes practice to use different words, assert ourselves and change our behavior. Be prepared for it to feel awkward and very uncomfortable at first. Be patient with yourself. The more you use these words the more empowered you will feel. And your message to stop will get through!

 

 

 

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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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