Daughters, How to Express Your True Power – Part 1

By Val Boyko • July 20th, 2011

powerful womanMany adult daughters in their 30’s, 40’s 50’s and even 60’s are still giving their power away to their mothers. Some women seem to think that there is no other way to be. That this is inevitable. Its something that we have to put with. Well, I’m here to tell you that it isn’t.

If you want to find out if you are still giving your power away then check out our quiz at MotherWhisperers.com by clicking here.

I like Denise McGregor’s perspective in her  book “Mama Drama“. She writes “This false power shows up in many ways:

  • We become more reactive to our mothers
  • We rebel against them
  • We procrastinate
  • We avoid telling them the truth
  • We stay mad at them
  • We blame them for everything

We feel like we are in control but we aren’t…..  Until we take our power back, become more proactive, and actually set aside time to approach our mothers we will always be at the mercy of our reactivity.”

True power lies inside us, not by anything we can do to our mothers. If you are waiting for your mother to change, then you are giving your power away.

So how can you begin to access your power and express it?

Here are some steps to start working on:

  1. The first step is to be aware of your interactions and how much your mother is still influencing who you are and the life you are leading. Over the next week or so, start to observe any of the above reactions inside you.
  2. Get to know yourself – your values, beliefs, passions, strengths and overall awesomeness!! To start off, you will find 10 Questions to Get to Know Your Real Self  by clicking here.
  3. Are you taking responsibility for your life? If not, it may be time to stop the blaming and excuses and start to own what is in your control. Only you can change your thinking and behavior. To change your mother relationship and claim your power you will have to shift your thinking and do things differently.

Ask yourself  “How am I contributing to our relationship being like this? Notice the times that you overstep, say something mean or withhold.  Yes – admit it without justifying your behavior or laying blame. Simply be an observer of yourself.

Now is the time for observing and learning, not judging.  Be compassionate with yourself on this path!

As you do so, you will also learn to trust yourself. Know that you have the power inside of you. Listen to your own intuition and start acting on it rather than waiting for others….. especially your Mom!

I hope these steps start to work for you. As always, Val is here to offer more advice and support. You’ll also find other resources in the the website.

Look out for more steps in the coming weeks!




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    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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