Communication Quiz – What is Your Intention?

By Val Boyko • June 15th, 2011


2 women talkingAs part of our Communication 101 series for daughters and mothers, here’s a quiz from Dr Susan Campbell that will help you get insights into the intention behind your communication. Do you relate to the other person or tend to try to control the situation?

Give yourself a 1 to 5 rating for each item – with 1 being not true for you and 5 being mostly true.

1. If another person and I disagree on how something should be done., I’m usually right.

2. I get very uncomfortable when I don’t know what’s expected of me.

3. I’m almost always in the teacher role as opposed to the learner role.

4. I hate feeling awkward and unsure of myself, and I avoid situations that make me feel this way.

5. If someone gives me negative feedback about something I have done, I’m not likely to tell the person how the feedback affects me.

6. If I’m upset by the behavior of someone close to me, I’m not likely to disclose this.


If you got several 3’s, 4’s or 5’s on this quiz, your need for control may be higher than your need to relate.

In her book “Getting Real” Susan says: “I think we human beings need to become more comfortable with the discomfort of not knowing, as in: I tell you what I’m feeling without knowing how you will react. We need to learn to tolerate that uncomfortable in-between part of any interaction….. One of the best things about feeling discomfort is that it signals, before things get really bad, that something needs to change.”

Val’s Comment: If you want to find out more about how you can relate more and let go of trying to control so much, then I’d be happy to talk with you. Please get in touch. Getting Susan’s book is also a great place to start!



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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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