Communication 101 for Daughters and Mothers – #10 When All Is Said And Done …

By Val Boyko • November 8th, 2011

This is the last tip in our Communication 101 series for mothers and daughters. Some would say it can certainly be one of the most difficult things … and most powerful things to communicate in any relationship! Can you guess what it is?

I'm sorry Saying “I’m sorry”.

Think about it.  A genuine apology has the power to mend relationships, dissolve anger, soothe shattered pride, dissolve shame and guilt, heal a broken heart and make us feel loving and whole.

As Aaron Lazare in his book “On Apology” writes: “One of the most profound human interactions is the offering and accepting of apologies. Apologies have the power to heal humiliations and grudges, remove the desire for vengeance, and generate forgiveness on the part of the offended parties. For the offender they can diminish the fear of retaliation and relieve the guilt and shame that can grip the mind with a persistence and tenacity that are hard to ignore. The result of that apology process, ideally, is the reconciliation and restoration of broken relationships.”

For every mother and daughter reading this, know that each of you has the power to bring about a better relationship by finding the courage to say “I’m sorry.”

We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. So why is apologizing so difficult to do? It’s hard to admit that we’ve hurt someone’s feelings or caused someone pain, whether it’s intentional or not. It’s also hard to see ourselves in a less-than-positive light. It requires facing our flaws, taking responsibility for a part of ourselves we’d rather hide, and being vulnerable to the other person.

Saying sorry isn’t easy, but it’s really important to do in order for our relationships to grow.

Is it time to let go of being right and open your heart to makes things right?

Val’s comment: Think about when you have received a heart felt apology from someone. It felt good didn’t it? Most of us like to be the recipient of a heartfelt apology. We want to know that the person cares about how we feel and is willing to take responsibility and admit their flaws. It makes things right and we feel valued as well as validated. As you find your courage to apologize, think about the impact these simple words can have on the other person and the  relationship.

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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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