An Unexpected Word That Can Change Your Mother Daughter Relationship

By Val Boyko • November 2nd, 2011

As I finished our last post on sharing our pain without blame, and expressing our feelings,  I remembered a great tip from my mentor coach Jay Perry.

As we learn to let go of suppressing our feelings and practice sharing how we feel, there is one simple word that can have a powerful impact.

Its so simple and one that works for me! Its a word that stops the the other person in their tracks. It takes them out of their heads and into their hearts. It is especially powerful between mothers and daughters when expressed truthfully in that moment. Its a four letter word that no one like to say.

The next time you feel hurt by the words of your mother or daughter, reveal how you feel by simple saying from your heart:


In that moment a mother can hear the pain of her child and a woman can  hear the pain of an other adult woman. It brings everyone into the present moment with acute awareness.

What happens next depends on the receptivity of the other person.

Even if the other person doesn’t get it or isn’t open to hear our pain, knowing that we have expressed our hurt can be freeing!


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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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