An Honest Conversation Story – and we’d love to hear more!

By Val Boyko • November 27th, 2010

I recall a conversation with someone close about an honest conversation she had with her mother. She was in her early 40’s when her mother came to visit from overseas. They were in a card store, and at the checkout they started a conversation with the cashier about shopping together while she was visiting. Her Mom made a comment to the cashier about how her daughter had been such a fat little girl and how it had always been so difficult to buy clothes for her. Of course, my friend was triggered and embarrassed – not just for herself  but for her mother’s insensitivity.

As they walked out the store she turned to her mother and said. “Mom, did you realize what you said back there? You told the cashier how I was fat and difficult to dress as a child. I find that hurtful – and I also think it is inappropriate to say something like that to a complete stranger. Her mother paused for quite some time and looked confused. She replied “I didn’t mean anything my it. Your know me, it’s just my way……(and then) I’m sorry if I hurt you”.

She felt her mother noticed her and heard her.

My friend said that up until then she would have let this type of critical comment go by. It was her mother’s way of getting attention. At that time however, she was learning about her own boundaries and expressing herself. By speaking up and telling her mother how she felt, she claimed her self, gained confidence and established her own power in the relationship.

Does anyone else have a story to share about speaking your truth to your mother?  It would be inspiring to everyone who is exploring this issue right now!

If you want to learn more Truth Skills in communication, check out Dr Susan Campbell’s book below. You can also find a summary of tips and advice by accessing the members only page.

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By susan master on December 1st, 2010 at 7:41 am

Thanks to this article, I downloaded Susan Campbell’s book to my Kindle. The universe really does seem to provide what is needed most at any given time.
Just the other day, a friend commented on my ability to be honest and speak my truth. But she was only seeing the surface me. This seems to be part of my journey…to know what I am feeling and
then communicating it to the other person with whom
I am in conflict. I look forward to deepening that ability.
As a child, there was always a payoff for not being authentic….love, attention, peace and harmony.
I believe I stopped listening to my inner voice
a long time ago amidst the noise of other people’s
voices in my head.

Trusting our inner voice and letting go of any self judgment about not being authentic or true to ourselves is so important! We learn so many ways of coping with childhood hurts and then trying to control our world to prevent them from happening again. Susan Campbell calls these Control Patterns and has a list of over 100 of them grouped into 20 general types….. we all do it and it has worked for us in the past when we were small and vulnerable.
As we become older they become habits and a part of us. Taking a fresh look at what we are truly feeling and expressing ourselves is a path to freedom to choose to be simply ourselves. With that comes real peace of mind. I’m right with you Susan!
p.s. I’ll add a page on control patterns and let you and other members know when it is up.

 

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  • COMMUNICATION QUIZ - Can You Make These Statements?

    Ask yourself if you make any of the following 15 statements. Find out if you are expressing yourself fully and are communicating with openness and presence.
    • SCORING The highest possible score is 30, and the lowest is zero. The higher the score, the higher your likelihood of having success in all your relationships. 0-9: You probably find yourself frustrated in relationships (especially with your mother) more often than you would like. 10-15: You have a high aptitude for relating and are open to learning 16-24: You have good relationship skills. How can you apply them more to your mother relationship? 25-30: Congratulations! Your capacity for present-centered relating is at a very high level.
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